The 10 Dumbest Things About Movies
These are some of the things that irk me about the way movies are made. There may be a reason for them, but I can’t figure any.
1. Lightning always happens the same time as the thunder. That would mean that lightning always strikes within 30 ft of the camera!
For that matter, the sound always arrives instantly whether the sound producing object is 10 ft away or 1/4 mile or more, in movies sound travels at the speed of light. If only there was some correct time delay in the sound, there would be some audio realism and spaciality to match the visuals. I have yet to see a film that used realistic audio delay.
2. Am I the only person sick of carousel shots. Those shots that have the camera circling a scene just to remind me of the fact that it’s not reality, just a motion picture! I find myself straining to see the dolly tracks on the ground during those scenes.
3. Audio in space. Only Stanley Kubrick seemed to understand this dimension of space. Space is completely SILENT guys!!!
4. Is there a moratorium on mourning for the dead in film? Why are the heroes always cold killers- must be a Darwinian influence.
5. Dialogue cueues. Each character adds his/her 2 cents in detective shows in neat succession. They’re all decisive blows against any accused bad guy. 3 strikes you’re out dude, time to cuff’m.
6. Silent busy streets. It could be downtown New York City and you can hear everything BUT the street sounds. Have you ever walked the streets of downtown?
7. 5 minute knock out. No matter what you get hit with or how hard they hit you, you’re out cold for 5 minutes and “come to” just in time to get into the next scene. No, ill affects whatsoever, amazing!
8. Camera Switching Fake Conversations. They aren’t really having any conversation. They are just monologues cut back and forth to look like conversation. When you see one listening to the other, notice the speaker is just mouthing their dialogue that was done off camera. Try this, listen to the conversation with your eyes closed. It’s easy to tell that the actor’s parts are recorded separately.
9. Monster Voices. They all sound the same, be it a Spinosaur or a Stegosaurus or even a Pterodactyl, same old roar and scream effects. Even a child knows that each animal sounds different.
10. In the future all space programs will have an infinite budget even though there is no industry in sight. Spacecraft will be built to any size you want and in any quantity you need!
Wayne Hollyoak